Tuesday 12 May 2009

full circle

I wrote this around February-time in 2008. My relationship with Mark was deteriorating and it's really a mix of nostalgia for life in my first year at university and the fun times of the second. Despite the bleak outlook of rotten food and unruly gardens, there was a feeling amongst myself and my housemates which isn't there now. Excitement perhaps, for both doing things and devoting a day to not doing anything. Acting rather than talking ourselves out of things.

Someday We’ll Graduate

And often I think of how my life
Is made up of photographs
spacespaceand battered postcards,
spacespacedisappearing house keys
spacespaceand loose change as I take
spacespaceroutine bus journeys, drink
spacespacecups of tea with stained brown rings,
spacespaceorder early morning pizzas
spacespacein rooms which spin
spacespacefrom too much gin.
spacespaceMouldy bread and broken eggs and
spacespacemarijuana on the window sill with friends,
spacespacethe poetry on the fridge documenting the obscene
spacespaceoutside a garden that is mostly weeds.
spacespaceThe kitchen ceiling leaks through the fog
spacespaceof a Tuesday hangover
spacespaceand Saturday afternoon lethargy.
spacespaceGetting lost in the library and losing yourself
spacespacein a club, or a book. Highlighting
Lazy Sundays, hours of chess,
Bacon sandwiches and lying in bed.

This evening, following a nap brought on by the aftermath of a night spent in a boy's bed, I wrote a follow up. It's less nostalgic. I feel pretty sad about the way this year is ending. Life feels more downbeat nowadays, and I really miss that feeling. I think it will get better and maybe I just woke up extra grumpy today, but this is my poetically lethargic sigh in the face of final year life.

At Last We Graduate

And sometimes I wonder if this is
All there is; the endless essay fear
spacespaceand floods of tears,
spacespacediscarded Keele Cards
spacespacewhich leave me stranded
spacespacein a world of failed revision
spacespaceand successful KPA sandwiches.
spacespaceFruitless Facebook chats behind
spacespaceclosed locked doors, bored,
spacespaceon clothes-covered floors.
spacespaceCigarettes and short-lived pets and
spacespacespacecakes in the pub with friends,
spacespacea poo chart hanging in the loo
spacespaceand emotional late reunions at two.
spacespaceThe stale, sad sight
spacespaceof a Saturday hangover
spacespaceand Sunday library trips,
spacespaceplotting painstaked prose and
spacespacequips in evening workshops. Remembering
Enthusiasm for waking late and wasting time,
Companionship, and your body next to mine.

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